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I’ve got no moves in the car.

The 9 inch gap between the two front seats that houses the gear stick and the handbrake might as well be a mile. My moves all involve already being close to the other person. The 13 degree lean that is required for the car move is beyond my skill range.

We said good night, and she went in and I headed home.

It’s about a 15 minute drive from Sarah’s house. On that night, on that drive home, I already knew. Traffic lights were turning green on my behalf. This was the one. Deep down I probably knew within 10 minutes of meeting her, but the time alone had given my mind the time to process all of the data. And the result was in. I was in love.

After numerous relationships of not feeling anything real and only being in it for the sex, I finally felt something. All of my cynicism about love, gone. Everything now made sense, everything fitted.

It was slightly after 1am when I got home. I’d left her 15 minutes ago, and missed her. A clenching in my chest that I hadn’t felt for 10 years.

The checklist

So, perfect woman? Lets check my list.

  •  Likes Animals (more than people) 
  •  Doesn’t have any kids
  • Doesn’t swear (a lot)
  • Isn’t racist
  • Has a good fringe
  • Overly positive, bordering on naive
  • Either
    • Smarter than me (in some ways)
    • Artistic and therefore on another level (somewhat)
    • Stupid – but well meaning (dizzy?) (somewhat)
  • Has her own career
  • Has dyed her hair pink in the past
  • Wears hats
  • Likes pizza
  • Good teeth
  • Has a driving license
  • Doesn’t wear jeans all the time
  • Knows what xbox live is
  • Likes a drink, but doesn’t need to drink to enjoy herself
  • Doesn’t smoke
  • Doesn’t have an orange fake-tan face
  • Is about 5 foot 6 (is about 4 foot 8)
  • Weighs about 1011 stone (about 7 stone)

That’ll do me!


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